Nov
21
2011
Trivial
Mar
25
2011
An old elephant like feeling
This is me. I weigh 80 kg, I’m 1.82 meters tall, 28 years old yet only alive for 4. I have birthmarks on my right hand and a scar on my face from when a dog bit me long time ago. For one year I have been wearing long unattended hair and before that short shaved. People who don’t really know me would label me as introverted depressed person with weird habits . Those who do would say I am somehow bipolar, jumping from a state of complete and utter depression to one over-extroverted. I usually don’t get out of my boring daily routine but when I do, I do it all the way. When something new comes along my path I take my chance with it. I am usually very open minded about anything and like to put people in situation where I challenge their predefined patterns of thinking about taboo subjects. I like to argue . I like drugs and never say no to them .They played a crucial part in my life with the new perspectives and viewpoints they brought. I like music. I like the girl I love, and I know in my heart that there is a high chance when she will be gone forever beyond hope I will die. I spend my nights thinking about that and about perspectives but find none. I like and do a lot of things, I make enough money and one without knowing would otherwise say I have nothing to complain about. They would be wrong.
I like to photograph, I carry all the time with me a medium backpack that contains my camera ,3 lenses, an external hard drive, a cleaning kit, a green laser pointer, a high precision scale, a portable microscope, an extra card and battery, condoms, a cable and a pen. The backpack is custom adapted so it fits my own needs , the padding removed and made so that it is thin and I have the fastest access to the camera without taking off the backpack. Estimated time-to-photo : 4 seconds. If I see something I want to make sure I capture it. I do my best to facilitate travel, I have everything organized, I know how I’m going to carry all items in the plane and be as lite as possible.I spend a lot of time organizing everything in perfect order. There was a time when I was always in some place, on a volcano, around some glacial lake or in some European city with a camera . I enjoyed the strange and new feelings that each place made me live, the beauty of the new. And for that time it replaced the other feelings, the ones of desperation, it managed to fill the void .
I tough I was going to spend the rest of my life traveling and photographing. I loved each place, each new experience, each breath of new air alike.
Not anymore.
Mar
11
2011
That place in time
Calm yourself, old boy. Breathe in. Breathe out. Find the reason. Remember. Retrace.
Follow your footsteps in the past. See them fade away, changing shape and pace as if they constantly belonged to someone else. They did. You died a long time ago, you have died many times and you’ve been reborn as many. You woke up today a stranger from the world and from yourself.
All you know now is that beautiful place she once created in the future with the whisper of a few words, the place you blindly walk towards, the place that bears her name. A place so beautiful that its distant echoes go through your dreams when you sleep, making it real as if you had already been there, a long time ago, perhaps in another life. You can finally rest there, for the first time in your life.
Mar
8
2011
After dusk
There is a place I know behind the Sun. It’s the place where we can start again.
One road that leads to it, paved with remains of today and the ashes of tomorrow . It’s my road alone to walk.
